


So Cool (Much Wow)

by Hyaluronic



Category: The Old Guard (Movie 2020)
Genre: Booker and Quynh would be total meme lords, Joe and Nick are also millennial's but only in age, M/M, Nile is a millennial, not sure how to tag this, other than straight up crack fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-10
Updated: 2021-02-10
Packaged: 2021-03-15 22:47:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,345
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29321880
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hyaluronic/pseuds/Hyaluronic
Summary: The group of three turned back to their host at the enraged shout. Nile could see Joe and Nicky glaring from her periphery at him having interrupted her before she rolled her eyes with a derisive snort, “Ok, Boomer.”Nicky leaned forward as best as he could to catch Joe’s gaze and mouth’boomer’to his husband with an inquisitive head tilt. Joe pursed his lips and shook his head with a half-hearted shrug just as confused as his beloved about the word.Or;The Old Guard meets Ok, Boomer and the results are, well, mixed.
Relationships: Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani/Nicky | Nicolò di Genova
Comments: 19
Kudos: 131





	So Cool (Much Wow)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [AliciaSinCiudad](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AliciaSinCiudad/gifts).



> I... honestly don't even know how to explain this fic. Other than it's total crack that was inspired by a comment on my one shot series by AliciaSinCiudad. My brain decided to try and run with it and I am hoping it turned out okay.

“Do the bad guys normally outline their whole nefarious plot?” Nile questioned whisper-quiet, wiggling in her seat, trying to work at the ropes wrapped around her wrists and ankles, nose crinkled. “Like, I seriously thought that was just a thing in the movies.”

Nicky snickered from his seat beside her, “Generally? No, they do not.” 

“Only the dull-witted ones.” Joe added with a sigh, his body melting into the high-back of the chair and eyes rolling heavenward in annoyance when their gracious hosts kept up his mind-numbing diatribe of his dealings with the local crime syndicate and how he’s doing the world a _kindness_ by controlling the drug market - _yada, yada, yada_ something- _something_ , supply and demand. 

Nile exaggerated a nod, watching the well dressed, short and brutish looking man wave his hands theatrically about, his voice a loud bellow before he quieted and looked expectantly towards them, as if he was waiting for them to voice their opinions on his brilliance. 

Nile glanced to her left at Nicky before turning to her right to raise a brow at Joe, confused as to what exactly their host was expecting them to say. Did he really think they’d be fawning over him and his shady as a subway tunnel dealings? 

The man - he looked to be in his 50’s, maybe? - heaved a deep sigh, face starting to turn a bright red at their continued silence. “You _millennial's_! Always think you are so much better than your elders.” 

“Nile is not a millennial!” Joe admonished loudly, clearly affronted on Nile’s behalf. While he and Nicky may very well be over a 1000, Nile was barely a toddler compared to them. “She’s but a babe of 30...shit, 34, yes?” 

“35.” Nicky corrected, “Remember, darling? We took her to that Broadway play about the man rapping about the forefathers of the United States?” 

“Hamilton.” Nile supplied. 

“Yes, thank you, Nile.” Nicky acknowledged gratefully with a smile. “And then we went for pizza and bowling and Andy became so mad when we had them apply those inflatable tubes-” 

“Gutter guards.” Nile helpfully added once more. 

“Ah, yes, thank you again. We had them apply the gutter guards so Andy could garner a few pallid points? And then she ended up breaking the ball return?” 

“Such a wonderful evening!” Joe boasted joyously, a smile as wide as the sea gracing his beatific features. 

“Maybe for you two,” Nile hissed, thinking back to that moment in particular, remembering Joe and Nicky sucking face while Andy cursed and tore into the ball return, leaving her to flounder out a pitiful excuse to the manager and the other bowling alley patrons about why they shouldn’t call the police and no Andy hadn’t escaped from the mental health facility just down the road and yes Andy was seeking anger management therapy. “but I had to explain to the manager why-” 

“You will be quiet and you will do as I say!” 

The group of three turned back to their host at the enraged shout. Nile could see Joe and Nicky glaring from her periphery at him having interrupted her before she rolled her eyes with a derisive snort, “Ok, Boomer.” 

Nicky leaned forward as best as he could to catch Joe’s gaze and mouth _’boomer’_ to his husband with an inquisitive head tilt. Joe pursed his lips and shook his head with a half hearted shrug just as confused as his beloved about the word. 

“I-I am not a...a _Boomer_ , I am working to better the world-” 

“By selling drugs to kids.” Nile interrupted, “Yeah, really thinking of the children there, _Big Guy_ ” 

“Enough!” The man shouted, spittle going everywhere. “I refuse to be _lectured_ and _reprimanded_ b-by youths who do not understand how the world works!” The man snapped his fingers, causing the lackeys that had been idly standing at his side to raise their hand guns, safety’s clicking off. 

“God, such a Boomer thing to do, one little critique and you get all butt hurt.” Nile grumped before the door to their accommodations blasted inward followed by the sound of gunfire and shouting as Booker and Andy worked to take out their would be attackers. 

It was hours later, when they were all piled into Booker's powder blue Prius, that Nicky cleared his throat and asked the question that had been plaguing him and Joe, “What is a Boomer?” 

Nile blinked, “It’s..well, y’know.” She paused and took a breath, lips pursed together while she worked out how best to explain. “It’s like when an old guy is shaking his fist at the sky and talking about how he had to walk 15 miles in the snow to school, uphill and barefoot, both ways in negative 10 degree weather because someone in their 20’s said climate change was a thing.” 

Booker guffawed at the confused looks he could see on Nicky and Joe’s faces in the rearview mirror. He cleared his throat and simply explained, “It’s an old person who’s out of touch and can’t handle change, guys.” 

“Or, y’know.” Nile said with a one shoulder shrug, “ _That._ ” 

O~oO~o~Oo~O 

Joe sighed, he loved kids, don’t get him wrong. Nicky and he had been surrogates to many vivacious and inquisitive - as well as wild - children over their many years but the crying child in the arms of the diplomat's wife they had been hired to protect was about to be his undoing. 

The poor four year old was currently sitting on his mother’s hip scratching at the pink splotches peppering his skin in horrid itchy clusters, while the kids mother was shouting at the doctor over the phone - _yes, she had tried to give her darling little mouth breather an oat bath! Yes, she had slathered the kid in calamine! Yes, little Finn had had his vaccinations! What do you mean the vaccination isn’t 100% effective!? Ride it out, are you crazy!?_ \- while Joe took a deep calming breath and leaned back against the door frame. The angry shouts made a good background noise as he tried to focus on his breath and tune out the screaming and crying - both from the kid and the kids mother. 

He sniffed and closed his eyes, envisioning a nice calming beach, the sun a fiery marble in the distance, the waves mirroring the pinks, oranges, and reds of the evening sky, a line of indigo breaking up the colors as the darkened waves rolled towards the beach and lapped at the white sand. The sand, a warming touch in the perceived evening chill. Joe smiled, the imagined caress of fingers running through his curls helping calm the ache in his pounding head while the phantom press of delicate lips against the back of his neck sent a fluttering feeling through his stomach. 

He leaned into the daydream, world melting away when a particularly harsh scream had him jerking away from the door frame, his hand reaching for the gun at his hip, eyes wide and searching; looking for any kind of perceived threat. When nothing jumped out at him, he sagged in relief. 

The poor mother looked ready to cry as she bounced her son in her arms. Joe scoured his memories trying to remember what Nicky and he had done for their sweet little Mary some 80 years ago when she had caught Chicken Pox. “You know, back in the day, it helped to rub just a little bit of whiskey inside the kids cheeks to help calm them.” 

The woman stopped her bouncing and stared at him, he was even sure darling little Finn had stopped in his scratching to stare incredulously at him and his advice. And there was nothing like being stared down by a 4 year old to strike apprehension into one's soul. 

Joe blinked. Had the remedies changed since he’d last been caretaker to a child? 

“Back in the day…” The woman questioned with a sigh of contempt, “God you sound like a grandpa, you _Boomer._ ” 

Joe sputtered and ignored the laughter he could hear over the com in his ear from Nile and Booker. He was not a Boomer! He was not some old foggy that was out of touch with the world! Some-some old man angrily shaking his fist at the youths of today and yelling at them to get off his proverbial lawn. He was hip to what was trending, he was cool! His natural age was probably younger than the woman before him! “I am too young to be a-a _Boomer_.” 

“Listen, gramps. I have tried everything the doctor has told me to. I highly doubt your advice from-what?-your great-grandparents?- is going to help in place of real medical advice.” 

Joe crossed his arms and pressed against the door frame with a frown and if he hoped little Finn screamed loudly into his Mom’s ear with shattering efficiency, he’d deny it. 

O~oO~o~Oo~O 

“Hey, uhm...Mister-rescue-person-man? Do you think, maybe, possibly, you could go just a little faster?!” 

Nicky looked up from the road to see one of the five girls they had rescued only moments before gripping the back of his head rest tight in her hands, her blue eyes shiny with worry. Nicky looked down at the speedometer - he was going 100! - and then to the back portion of the van where Joe and Nile were trying to calm the rest of the girls down so he could concentrate on out running the inconspicuous black SUV tailing them. 

“Mr. Joe, Amber is touching me!” 

“I am not!” 

“Yes you are! See! She did it again! Mister Joe, make her stop!” 

“God, you’re such a baby!” 

Nicky grit his teeth and tried to block out the voices behind him, tried to ignore when a foot hit the back of his seat and sent an achy pain shooting down his lower back to his legs, tried to let it go when the poor woman gripping his head rest screamed in his ear as the black SUV tailing them slammed into their bumper. He jerked the steering wheel to the side, knocking everyone in the van towards the left to miss another ram from their pursuers. 

“Ladies we must be calm, I understand that everything is scary right…” At least Nile was trying, Nicky supposed. 

“Scary! Those assholes broke my phone!” 

“Seriously, we were just almost kidnapped and you’re worried about your damned phone?” 

“Girls, please. Let’s all calm ourselves and sit quietly-.” Joe spoke, trying to reel the girls in before they started bickering once more. 

“Mister Joe, Amber is touching me again!” 

“No I’m not! She’s a lying liar who lies!” 

“ _Girls, please!_ ” 

“Don’t tell me to calm down, some group of asshats just tried to kidnap me to ransom me back to my own family!” 

“Good thing they didn’t, Ashley, because your family would have paid them to keep you!” 

Nicky grit his teeth before he slammed on the breaks of the van, the tires screeching loudly on the asphalt and causing the SUV tailing them to fly right on by. “Alright, that is quite enough!” 

The group of girls gasped as Nicky turned from the driver's seat to stare heatedly at the group behind him, “I do not know what you children are taught in this day and age but when I was your age-” 

One of the older girls blinked, whispering conspiratorially to one of her fellow van mates, “ _His day and age, he’s like a year older than me._.” 

“We listened to our elders and did as we were told. Know this, if Joe tells you to calm down and sit quietly, then you are to do so! If you do not, then...then I will turn this car around!” 

“Ok, Boomer...” 

Nicky felt his eye twitch at the attitude as silence fell over the interior of the vehicle. Nicky waited a moment before he turned back around just in time to see the black SUV heading straight for them. Nicky cursed and slammed the car into reverse turning to look over his shoulder as he drove backwards down the freeway in awkward silence. 

O~oO~o~Oo~O 

“You need to be realistic about how unfair society is, kid. You need to understand that, that utopia you created in that head of yours? It doesn’t translate to reality. Nothing is free and things aren’t equal.” Andy explained, not unkindly, but in that stern all knowing sister voice she used to help hammer home her ideals. 

The 18 year-old she had been talking to, slipped in her air pods with a scuff, “Ok, Boomer.” 

O~oO~o~Oo~O 

“Ok, Boomer.” 

Booker sighed as if the whole world was weighing him down, eyes flitting to the kids jeans and the various frayed holes he saw there. “Why are there holes in your jeans? Did you rip those yourself?” It was a weak comeback but he truly didn’t care. 

The kid looked up from his phone unphased, “Why are there holes in the ozone? Did you rip _those_ yourself?” 

Booker crossed his arms, “Is your whole generation this sensitive?” 

“Is yours?” 

Booker pursed his lips because, honestly? Touche. 

O~oO~o~Oo~O 

“Ok, Boomer.” 

Nile jerked back from the barista scandalized, “First of all, _how dare you_. Second of all, how dare _you._. Third of all, _how_ dare you.” 

The barista just looked annoyed as she huffed, “Jeezus, want to talk to my manager too, Karen?” 

Nile gasped and would have probably jumped over the counter but Booker’s arm on her bicep stopped her. “Lets go, kid. There are other coffee shops.” 

“Dishonor on you!Dishonor on your family! Dishonor on your cow!” Nile shouted while Booker pulled her from the coffee shop. 

O~oO~o~Oo~O 

“This man just commented to me, that I am a Boomer?” 

Andy looked up from the TV to see Quynh staring at the computer screen with a furrowed brow. 

“Yeah, people do that.” 

“It is very childish.” Quynh said before grinning. “I _love_ it!”


End file.
